Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading