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“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for longer than 6 months.