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My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?