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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, Iām gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.