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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)