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I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
i dont have drain bramage.