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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?