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Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.