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My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
Iām not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!