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is available for rebound sex.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"