Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook