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I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don’t make the rules.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
My number was 0...
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?