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You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver