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Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.