Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.