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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
Home is where the pants aren’t.
Why has no one invented a button next to snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?