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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
High-five a veteran today.
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.