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It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....