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Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
My New Years resolution is always don’t die. So far so good.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.