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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
Will be drunk until further notice.
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there