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Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.