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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?