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Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"