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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
u cant spell awesome without me
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.