Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?