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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.