Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.