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First fart at my new job.
My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.