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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...