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Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.