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If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
is ready to have one too many!