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Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.