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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
There`s no WE in pizza.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.