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Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!