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The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”