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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Lightning is like God`s way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?