Daily Silly Status

I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.

Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.

Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?

Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.

I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.

Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.

I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.

You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.

I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.

I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....

Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.

My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with

It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...

Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"

I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)