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"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
The greatest fear is NOT fear itself. It’s dropping your phone in a port-a-potty!
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.