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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.