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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.