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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
I wish my mind had a delete button.
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it