Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
I want it all and I want it delivered.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time