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I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!