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My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.