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Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.