Daily Silly Status

When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.

I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job

I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.

Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`

My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.

Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.

Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.

If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?

Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!

Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven

If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.