Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.