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Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
My mom says I`m special.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
How Big is Infinity?
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life