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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
My whole life is based on a true story...
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.