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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem