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Dear Santa, I was framed!
I need new swear words.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?