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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.