Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.