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How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
With the promise of Free Drinks or Food, I’m willing to go pretty much anywhere.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.