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In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?