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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.