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No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Sex, do it for the kids.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
never tell a lie...unless it is true
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.