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Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.