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Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Long story short, I love summaries.
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.