Daily Silly Status

Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.

If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!

I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.

I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is

There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"

I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...

My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.

I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.

My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.

I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.

I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.

Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?

I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath

Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/

There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.