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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I amโ€ฆDriving a forkliftโ€ฆSipping a beerโ€ฆLifting up my boss`s carโ€ฆ
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
I guess if you spoke your mind, youยดd be speechless, huh?
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.