Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."