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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.