Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.