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Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.