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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.