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Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?