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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
I need more people like me in my life
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...