Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.