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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle