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Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around