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I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....