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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.