Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.